I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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