4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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