U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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