i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
