we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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