This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
