NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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