He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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