We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
