Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
