Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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