remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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