i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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