On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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