just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
