I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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