I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
