Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
