dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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