The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
