Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
