i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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