Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
