My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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