i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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