I puked a lego.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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