i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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