he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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