What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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