i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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