I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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