1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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