all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
