I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
