But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
