Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
