Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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