She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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