My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
