Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
