Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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