Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
