Three words: puerto rican gang bang
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
