For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
