You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
