This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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