Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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