so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
how drunk are you?
Several
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
