Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
