haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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