Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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