Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
