I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
