Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
