I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
