Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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