he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
