toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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