I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
