I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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